Falling in love, as well as falling out of love, is a decision one has to make for one’s self.
The decision for the latter is usually borne out of anger and frustration.
In some cases though, some people have no logical reason for falling out of love with their partners.
Sometimes too, they get to find out that they are better off as friends, colleagues, or business partners, than being a romantic couple.
As the saying goes, ‘different tales for different folks’.
So, why do couples fall out of love with each other?
Let’s get down to business.
Why Do Couples Fall Out Of Love With Each Other?
I made some findings, and came up with a list of some of the most common reasons why couples fall out of love with each other.
Here they are:
1. Poor communication
The saying that, ‘Communication is key’ could not be truer, especially in situations such as this.
What this means is that the importance of quality communication between a couple cannot be overemphasized.
By quality communication, I’m referring to one’s ability to express one’s self properly.
Of course, this includes one’s feelings, needs, wants, and emotions, at every point.
And then, there’s also the ability to listen to actually understand what the other person is saying.
Having a good understanding of what one’s partner is saying will help one to act accordingly.
Poor communication is one of the top reasons why a couple will fall out of love with each other.
Some people do not know how to express their needs, feelings, and wants as clearly as possible.
They either dabble into or over words during conversations, or outright expect their partners to turn to mind readers.
The second set of people hardly talk about what they want and it’s frustrating to be with such people, especially if their partner is not good at reading moods and minds.
More often than not, their partners are clueless about what they really want, and they themselves act disappointed and angry because their partner couldn’t read their minds.
Hello!
The mouth is there for a reason — soro soke!
Also, there are people who do not know how to listen, like really listen when someone else is speaking.
They listen to reply, and not to really understand what the other person is saying.
When such people come together in marriage, one or both of them are bound to become frustrated over time due to the constant poor communication between them.
When someone feels unheard constantly, or feels like their partner is always full of complaints about them, the bond of love will begin to stretch thin to the point where it’s completely broken.
2. Basic incompatibility
Another common answer to the question, ‘Why do couples fall out of love with each other?’ is basic incompatibility.
This is the type of incompatibility that was either not discovered before marriage or was simply ignored with the hope that it’ll change with time.
It becomes a problem when it doesn’t change or go away as expected in the marriage.
For instance:
An educated woman who wants to be and do more in her career gets married to a patriarchy Kang (unbeknownst to her).
Fast forward to sooner or later in the marriage, their clashing beliefs surrounding the roles of women in the society will prove a stumbling block to the love between them.
The woman will be determined to achieve her dreams and goals of climbing the career ladder and becoming successful while at it.
On the other hand, her husband will want her to sit at home, birth children, and take care of the family.
He might even do things that’ll sabotage her career aspirations.
Such an intense clash of interest is enough to turn even the best of friends into sworn enemies.
The same will apply to a couple who are in this shoes.
While the man sees his wife’s actions as going against him and undermining his authority, the woman simply wants to be successful and much more than the conventional ‘traditional woman’.
This unending tug of war will ensure that peace packs up its bags and leaves the marriage.
As for the couple, they’ll probably fall out of love with each other.
3. False love
The first time I heard about false love, I was quite surprised as I didn’t know that it was a thing.
Well, it is, and is one of the reasons why couples fall out of love with each other.
False love is simply when one didn’t really love one’s partner initially.
In this case, a person only loved the idea of who they thought their partner was.
The person was only in love with their imagination of who their partner was.
They failed to invest time in getting to know their partner better before marriage.
In marriage, the vision becomes clearer, and it isn’t corresponding with their imagination.
For instance:
A man might be drawn to kind and caring women.
Somehow, he encounters a lady who constantly checked up on him when he was in one of his low moments (let’s say he was ill).
He becomes impressed with that single act and jumps to the conclusion that she’s kind and caring.
With that narrative already stuck in his subconscious, he moves to be in a serious relationship with her.
He no longer bothers to check her kindness in other ways because he feels like she’s got it in her.
If she was checking on him back then only as a way of showing her interest in him, there’ll likely be a problem in the marriage.
She might be a very nonchalant person, who used ‘checking up’ as her own form of green light, and he fell for it.
How sad!
From my findings, one of the ways to avoid false love is by talking about your expectations, likes, and dislikes with a prospective partner.
Make sure that you’re both on the same page in most, if not all aspects, before getting into a relationship.
That’s a famous recipe for making progress and achieving success in a relationship.
4. Financial irresponsibility
Being a free-spender can look attractive till the reality of life hits hard.
Bills are piling up – rent unpaid, kiddies essentials not bought, groceries not bought, projects abandoned halfway because of lack of funds, being neck-deep in debt, among others.
This is all thanks to someone who spends their money recklessly without planning and budgeting.
The person probably spent a lot on wants and unnecessary things, and neglected the actual needs.
And this leaves the other person to bear the consequences.
Two people are earning a living, but only one person is actually contributing to the financial well-being of the home.
Unbelievable, right?
Well, it happens.
Financial irresponsibility is a thing, and I can tell you for free that it’s one of the fastest ways to snuff life out of the love between a couple.
5. Unrealistic expectations
Some people fail to realize that the journey of love is a process that requires a lot of work and commitment from a couple.
For this set of people, they feel like marriage is a journey of meeting the perfect partner, and then, they live ‘happily ever after’.
Lol.
That’s such an unrealistic expectation from their partner.
No one is perfect, and more than ever, the union of two people in marriage has only served to reveal their imperfections to each other the more.
That’s why compromise, being accommodating and tolerating, being empathetic, and being flexible comes in handy in marriage.
However, when such situations arise in a marriage, some people are quick to think that the love is no longer there.
But that’s not true.
Love is tested through these things and is strengthened when the couple work through their differences while sticking together.
That’s how solid trust and love is developed between a couple.
Conclusion
Although the list above is not exhaustive, it sure contains some of the most common answers to the question – ‘Why do couples fall out of love with each other?’
Relationships and by extension, marriages, require the individuals involved to put in the work.
They should stick with each other through the good and bad times, and work it out.
Once it’s not life-threatening, I think couples in troubled marriages should try to work through their differences together.
Have the difficult conversations, spell things out clearly, and listen to understand.
More often than not, this recipe works in resolving relationship and marital issues that seem irreparable at first.
