Recently, I came across a video of a divorce party thrown for a woman by her friends.
While she was giving a speech, she said something that struck me.
She said that she waited for so long to get a divorce even when she knew that her marriage was already beyond repair.
I couldn’t wrap my head around that particular statement.
Does it mean that people know when their marriage is beyond repair?
I had so many questions, and went digging for answers.
Of course, I came back with answers, hence, this post.
So, if you had questions bothering how to know when a marriage is beyond repair, no worries.
I’ve made the work easier for you.
All you need to do is read this piece to the end, to get answers to any questions you may have.
Let’s get right to it.
Can A Marriage Be Damaged Beyond Repair?
First of all, let’s look at the possibility of a marriage getting damaged beyond repair.
Like every other important and treasured thing, a union of two people should be protected, pampered, and taken good care of by the couple.
You’ll agree with me that when you nurture and take good care of the things that are important to you, they blossom, glow, and experience tremendous growth and success.
On the flip side, anything you neglect and hardly take care of tends to suffer and gradually die off.
The same applies to marriage.
Whenever you see a beautiful and blossoming marriage, either one or both of the couple are doing a good job of nurturing it.
However, a marriage begins to gradually wilt and die when it no longer receives care and attention like before.
It MIGHT be redeemable and gotten back to be the lively, healthy, beautiful, and successful union it was once known for, through the couple’s joint efforts.
The first step is acknowledging the roles they played in getting their union to that level of degradation.
Afterwards, they draft out feasible ways to make it work again, using practical ways that border the root causes of the initial issues.
But it gets sad and feels like an uphill task when one or both individuals in a marriage abandon and are nonchalant about it.
It seems like they’re okay with making no efforts to salvage the marriage.
They appear to be fine with watching the time and effort invested in the marriage go down the drain.
Sometimes, they might have even moved on with other people, and couldn’t care less about what becomes of the union.
How sad!
When it gets to this point where it looks practically impossible to pull one or both of them back into the marriage, that marriage is said to be damaged beyond repair.
Now, let’s look in details at how to know when a marriage is beyond repair.
How To Know When A Marriage Is Beyond Repair
These are signs that’ll help one know when a marriage is beyond repair:
1. Absence of intimacy
People normally think of sex whenever they hear ‘intimacy’.
I want to state clearly that although sex is part of it, but it’s not all that intimacy is about.
A couple who are in love with each other should naturally enjoy each other’s company.
They should be able to be touchy-feely when they can, even without any sexual undertone.
For instance, hugging each other randomly, rubbing and massaging body parts such as legs, shoulders, head, fingers, etc.
Also, holding on to each other warmly, giving pecks and light kisses, making sure to maintain body contact and brush each other’s body whenever the other person is in the way.
You get the point?
Intimacy doesn’t refer to only the activities in the bedroom.
It also includes all the other warm, loving actions that strengthen bonds and increases the love and affection between a couple.
When these actions are completely absent in a marriage, it’s possible that the marriage is beyond repair.
The couple might avoid body contact when they are on the same path.
There are probably no warm hugs or kisses waiting for either of them whenever they’re back from work.
Also, none of them may offer the other a feet or body massage at the end of a stressful day.
Now, let’s talk about the sex.
It’s either nothing to write home about, or practically nonexistent.
The fire in the bedroom has gone cold, literally.
It might be one person constantly giving excuses and turning their partner down for a long time.
With time, the other person will develop a coping mechanism, and stop asking altogether.
And just like that, sex will become a thing of the past in the marriage.
2. Absence of communication
This point is very important, and is usually very evident when it comes to figuring out how to know when a marriage is beyond repair.
In every healthy and successful relationship, communication is key.
A working marriage is not devoid of effective communication, understanding, and laughter between the couple.
In a marriage where communication flows smoothly, laughter happens often and is usually effortless.
The reverse is the case in a marriage that’s beyond repair.
Palpable tension interweaves itself in the thick silence that’s already hanging over the household.
The couple are not talking to each other, not because there’s nothing to talk about, but mostly out of resentment.
In some cases, the poor communication between a couple has lingered for so long that they’ve run out of things to talk about and break the silence that’s threatening to drown them.
Where there’s resentment, there are lots of things to talk about, but the couple have jumped into hasty negative conclusions about each other for so long.
Now, their minds are wired to tend towards negativity when it concerns their spouse.
If an avenue comes up for such a couple to have a conversation, they’ll use up the time to ask all the questions that have been weighing on their minds.
How sad!
3. Secrecy towards partner
Another thing that gives away that a marriage is beyond repair is the presence of secrecy between the couple.
According to the Holy Book, ‘Sin thrives in secrecy’, and there are no truer words than those.
Once someone starts hiding things from their spouse, the path of the relationship is set on a downward slope.
When I was in the University, a hostel mate once complained about how his girlfriend suddenly started hiding things from him.
He said that she changed the passwords on her devices, and didn’t answer certain phone calls whenever they were together.
According to him, there were times he discovered that her phone was on airplane mode because he talked about her not taking some of her calls in his presence.
So, she didn’t want the phone ringing at all when they were together to avoid another round of fight.
He was suspicious, but the information available to him wasn’t adding up.
She reportedly had a habit of deleting text messages and chats before they met.
Clarity came to him the day he visited her unannounced, and she couldn’t open the door because there was another man in her apartment.
He said that although he was hurt so much, that was the end of the relationship for him.
So, yea.
Secrecy is always a recipe for disaster in any relationship.
4. Absence of respect
For most people, the presence of respect in their romantic relationship is a prerequisite for them thinking about a long term commitment with their partners.
I can’t overemphasize the importance of respect in not just romantic but also everyday relationships.
Everyone — men, women, and children want and deserve respect at various levels.
The saying that ‘respect is reciprocal’ is very true.
You should expect respect when you give it.
The same goes in a marriage.
Treating one’s spouse with utmost decency, being truthful to them, and not cheating on them are some of the basic ways to show them respect.
When they see how right they are being treated, it’s only reasonable for them to return the gesture.
However, a marriage where respect has long taken flight is usually chaotic.
Crass behavior, cuss words, lies, insults, cheating, and every other form of indecent actions is bound to be the order of the day in such relationship.
Once it becomes a norm, the marriage is considered to be beyond repair.
Honestly, it’ll be difficult for a marriage to turn back and fully recover from that, except with sheer determination to make it work despite all odds.
5. Being abusive
If one is experiencing abuse in one’s marriage, it’s a possible answer to how to know when a marriage is beyond repair.
Personally, any form of abuse is a red flag and I take it very seriously.
So, I stay far away from potential partners who have problems with getting a grip on their emotions.
This type of people usually have their feelings all over the place, and feel that even the slightest things are about them.
Such people tend to have anger issues, and emotional or physical abuse is usually not far from them.
If you encounter them, you’ll notice that constant argument is their thing.
They also find a way to put their partner down by belittling them or making light of their feelings and efforts.
If I ever find myself in a marriage with someone who fits this description, I’ll be planning my exit the next minute.
6. Chronic incompatibility
Indeed, two cannot walk together except they agree.
Being incompatible refers to not sharing similar visions, dreams, and goals with a partner.
It’s a situation where two people who want totally different things come together and embark on the forever journey.
Sadly, it won’t work.
They’ll keep having clashes of interests, and won’t be able to get along with each other.
There’ll be constant disagreement, bickering or fighting between them all because they’re not on the same page.
It can be tiring and draining at the same time.
A marriage is meant to be an avenue for further growth and development, not a battleground for the couple to fight each other.
That’s why it’s important for intending couples to engage in meaningful conversations and ask pertinent questions during the dating stage.
This is to help make sure that the couple’s long and short term goals, dreams and visions are aligned.
If there’s always no middle ground between them, it’ll be very hard for them to achieve anything productive both as individuals and as a couple.
That marriage is definitely beyond repair.
