Someone once asked rhetorically if there’s something like common deal breakers in relationships.
That question, although rhetorical, got me thinking.
It’s true that it’s different strokes for different folks.
However, that doesn’t take away the fact that there are relationship deal breakers that most people agree on.
Simply put, there are things that many people agree that are bad, and shouldn’t be moved past in a relationship.
A relationship must have ups and downs because it consists of two different individuals who have different upbringings, backgrounds, beliefs, and other varying outlooks to life.
Many of these disagreements and arguments can be teachable moments where both parties learn, unlearn, and relearn.
Compromises are reached too.
But there are certain things that happen in the course of a relationship, and one or both parties know that there’s no coming back from it for the relationship.
Such bad behavioral patterns and red flags that come masked as issues in a relationship are a no no for some people.
If you want to maintain your individual happiness while having healthy boundaries in your relationship, it’s important to understand your partner as well as the dynamics of the relationship.
It’ll also help if you’re able to identify deal breakers quickly so that you don’t ignore any signs of future problems, or get too invested in the relationship before trying to end things.
Outlined below are some common deal breakers in relationships.
The list will help you learn and identify even patterns you’ve been ignoring, or didn’t know existed.
10 Common Deal Breakers In Relationships
As mentioned earlier, deal breakers typically vary among individuals.
But there are also the ones that are generally seen as common deal breakers.
Here they are:
1. Stinginess
A major red flag in relationships is stinginess —both to one’s self and others.
Stingy people rather hoard resources that are at their disposal than put it to good use.
Their mentality is usually backward, no matter the kind of progress they appear to be making in life.
They’re a threat not only to themselves but to their loved ones.
This is because they can potentially stand in the way of life-turning and life-saving opportunities simply because they are tight fisted.
2. Selfishness
Just like stinginess, selfishness is one of the most common deal breakers in relationships.
I might not be wrong to say that they’re both intertwined.
Rightfully so because it’s only a selfish person who will constantly think only about themselves in every situation.
They always put themselves first, even when it’s not necessary and another person needs the opportunity badly.
They’d rather an opportunity goes to waste than it slips through their fingers to get to another person.
They’re not people to be in a relationship with because they’ll make the relationship all about them.
If they don’t have their way, they’ll make life uncomfortable in every possible way for their partner till they get what they want.
Is that really a relationship or servitude?
Knowing that you’ll ALWAYS be in second place to your partner, no matter what’s on the line.
Pitiful!
3. Anger issues
Having anger issues in a relationship is a major red flag.
It indicates that someone has no grip on their emotions.
They can go from a zero to a hundred real quick in milliseconds and it’s so scary to see.
People who have difficulty with controlling their emotions usually get triggered by the most little things.
You’ll see them explode over negligible things.
And this is not good for a healthy and happy relationship.
It causes stress and discomfort to whoever they’re in a relationship with.
Such people have their partners walking on eggshells around them because they don’t know which of their actions or inactions that’ll make them fly into a fit of rage.
They live in perpetual fear of setting off their partner.
That’s not how it should be.
Everyone who has a grip on their emotions knows how to handle both the pleasant and unpleasant things.
They know when to react immediately, and when to take their time to process both events and emotions before reacting.
They also know when to let go and overlook certain things simply because it’s not worth their time and energy.
That, is exactly the way it should be.
No one has to be afraid of the other person just because they’re one heartbeat away from being enraged over infinitesimal things.
4. Poor communication
You might be surprised, but poor communication is one of the most common deal breakers in relationships.
Effective communication is the backbone of every thriving relationship.
As the saying goes, ‘communication is key’.
If there’s an absence of good communication in a relationship, it’ll likely suffer.
There’ll be a lot of misunderstandings, arguments, disagreements, jumping into conclusions, dissatisfaction, anger, and resentment in the relationship.
It gets even worse when one or both people are unwilling to improve their communication with each other.
The relationship will take a further nosedive because of heightened friction between them.
They’ll seem not to see eye-to-eye on almost everything.
Is that a relationship or a war zone?
5. Poor conflict resolution
Every couple has times when they don’t see eye-to-eye on certain things.
This might result in arguments and disagreements.
How do these get resolved eventually?
Resolving conflicts peacefully and in a mature manner depends solely on the individuals who are involved.
Perhaps one person is fond of giving the other the silent treatment over every little conflict.
It can also be them resorting to insults and name calling whenever things are not going their way.
If someone is not able to handle conflict resolution effectively without flying off the handle, it calls for concern.
That’s one of the biggest signs of someone who has poor conflict resolution skills right there.
And it’s one of the most common deal breakers in relationships.
No one has to sit through repeated sessions of yelling, verbal abuse, or silent treatment just because of unresolved conflict with their partner.
6. Being unable to apologize
I once had a neighbor who prided in being unable to apologize whenever he was wrong.
When I noticed and pointed it out to him, he admitted that he was not trained to admit to his wrongs or say sorry.
He further said that he didn’t make any effort to learn because everyone he had ever wronged didn’t seem to care that he didn’t apologize directly.
You might be wondering how he usually made peace with people he offended.
He either gifts them, or glosses the issue over and expect them to let go and move on from it.
But that’s not the right way to apologize.
It’s not even an apology at all.
The fact that everyone makes mistakes doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t apologize when you’re at fault.
An offender must realize and accept that they are wrong, and tender an apology.
Being unable to apologize is one of the common deal breakers in relationships.
Instead of trying to shift blames, or gloss things over when at fault, apologizing is a healthy and efficient way to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with an aggrieved partner.
7. Constant criticism
When criticism is aimed at helping someone become better, it’s known as constructive criticism.
It’s the healthy kind of criticism.
However, when someone dishes harsh criticism constantly, it’s called destructive criticism.
More often than not, it’s aimed at tearing someone down.
If you ever feel like the purpose of a criticism is to chip away at your self-esteem without adding any positive impact to you, it’s the destructive kind.
Any partner who is so focused on the other person’s flaws and never applauds or points out what they’re doing right is not worth being in a relationship with.
8. Lack of respect
Everyone deserves to be respected — men, women, and children alike.
According individuals the respect that’s due to them is necessary for maintaining a positive balance in the society.
One of the common deal breakers in relationships is a lack of respect.
No one has any business being with a person who doesn’t respect them.
Someone who lacks respect for their partner will constantly show it through their actions and words.
For instance, talking down on their efforts, and not making them a priority.
Love goes hand-in-hand with respect.
Invariably, it doesn’t thrive in disrespect.
So, if someone claims to love you but doesn’t have any respect for you, it’s time to take a step back from that situation.
9. Unreliability
Anyone who is known to be unreliable generally has no business with being in a relationship.
Being unreliable refers to one not showing up or being there when needed.
It also entails having a long list of unfulfilled promises.
Such character makes people take one very unserious-ly as one’s words do not match one’s actions.
Imagine being in a relationship with someone like that.
It’ll be a harrowing experience because it’s more like being in a relationship solo.
You take the words of such a person with a pinch of salt because they’ve been known to never keep to what they say.
Whenever they manage to match their words and actions, you and everyone else who knows them will be surprised, and wish they’ll keep up with the positive attitude.
Sadly, it might be a one-off change as they’ll go right back to being unreliable.
It all boils down to one realization at the end of the day for you.
The person you’re in a relationship with doesn’t have your back, and you feel all alone despite having a partner.
10. Abuse
Last but definitely not the least on this list of common deal breakers in relationships is abuse.
I’m referring to all kinds of abuse — verbal, physical, emotional, financial, and mental.
Some people think that abuse is valid only when it gets physical, but physical abuse is just one out of the many different types of abuse.
Abuse should be a general deal breaker to everyone, as no one has to go through it in a relationship.
The good thing is that the signs of abuse don’t stay hidden for long.
So, you can clock it early enough and choose yourself over a relationship that’s not worth it in the end.
Here are some of the signs of abuse you should look out for in a partner:
Constant nagging
Being too controlling
Name calling
Constant criticism
Isolation from loved ones
Frequent angry outbursts
Manipulation
Issuing of threats
Physical manhandling
Are there other common deal breakers in relationships that you know?
Please share them in the comments.
I’ll love to read from you.
